Tuesday 25th November 08

Up at about 7.30 as Ruth usually leaves the house at about 8, I had a shower and some cereal and we went. Ruth dropped me off very near Ealing Broadway and continued off to work.

I went to Oxford Circus, changed trains and went south to Brixton, which is only a short walk from Denmark Hill, along Cold Harbour Lane. Ruth had photocopied a page in her London map book so I knew where to go, and by 10am I was at the Maudsley.

I waited an hour, reading my NewScientist, and at 11 was collected by a woman who spent the next hour explaining what the day would contain, and doing some rather odd tests and questions and exercises in order to start assessing me. She asked a colleague in to observe and help her with the assessment. The exercises included going through a children's picture book and explaining what I thought was happening, and making up a story using 5 random objects pulled out of a bag, a task I found quite difficult. But she also asked lots of questions about my childhood, friendships, how I'd describe various feelings like happiness, etc etc, so it was quite an intense hour.

Then I had a two-hour session with a Dutch Doctor who did the clinical assessment, about my health and development and lots more. I was invited to explain why I thought I'd had ADHD and subsequently been identifying with some aspects of Aspergers Syndrome.

That finished at 3pm and I went for lunch just down the road, having a plate of very yummy chick-pea stew and rice, and got back to the Hospital for 4pm, as agreed, where I was seen by the whole team including the Consultant. He asked a few more questions and referred to his diagnostic manual a few times, and then asked if I'd have 5 minutes in another room whilst they had a talk, and when I was brought back in, he explained their decision.

It is clear that I did have ADHD as a child, but at that time it wasn't named and I was just regarded as a bit odd, naughty, disruptive and 'bright but lazy'. However, possibly due to growing out of it and/or all the self-development work I've done, I do not exhibit so many of the symptoms or diagnostic features now to be classed as having ADHD. There is a big overlap between ADHD behaviours and some Autistic traits. I do have some of the 'typically autistic' traits, but again, not enough of them to be 'labelled' with Autistic Spectrum Disorder or 'High Functioning Autism', known as Aspergers. So I don't fit any diagnostic criteria, which the Doctor described as 'good news'. There was some discussion as to where I might go from now, what I could do about continuing to improve my behaviour, and I will explore those. The medics will interview my mother when she returns from holiday, just to try to find out some more about my behaviour as a child, and I'l be sent their report in February.

I left feeling quite down as I really wanted to put my diagnosis 'in a box', labelled, so I felt I knew what I was and why I behave as I do, and had a clear way forward with definite outcomes. But as my unique mental set-up doesn't fit any one set of criteria and therefore isn't 'nameable', I feel a bit 'in limbo' or in no mans land. I sadly walked back the mile or so to Brixton and went right up to King's Cross, where I wandered round pretty aimlessly for a few hours waiting for my 10pm train. At 8.30 I waited at where the track-side pub used to be (shut for refurbishment) for a possible meeting with Diana from FlipSide Vision, but she'd been at an AGM and didn't turn up. So at 9.30 I went to the main hall and chatted to people whilst waiting for the platform to be displayed.

The train was lovely and warm and my fellow passengers were friendly and jolly.

Back into York just after 12.30, home just before 1am, really glad to see Gill.

Tuesday 6th November 07

A busy day... our 8th Wedding anniversary and 14th since our first kiss. Gill took the boys to school, our youngest walking as his bike has developed a puncture.

We managed to spend a bit of time together but both had quite a lot to do, so we both got on with jobs around the house.... just the usual housework including washing up, sorting beans which I've harvested, and I had some time in the garden preparing a space for the new composter to sit in. Also rang the Maudsley Hospital in London to check if I really needed to take 'informants' down with me at the end of the month for my diagnosis, and then had a conversation with my Dad, and later, my Mum. Also today got a call from Catherine from York Rotters asking if I could bring a person along who had recieved advice from a trained Rotter and was still composting. I called on Debbie over the road, checked her composter and invited her to come to the Open University research day on Friday. She was delighted to be asked.

Soon after 2pm I cycled down to school to pick up our year 6 child, who has to decide which secondary school to go to next September. So he came out of school early and cycled down to Fulford School, as he missed the main open evening a couple of weeks age due to illness, and we had a guided tour of the buildings. Didn't see in many classrooms as they were still being used, but did get a feel of the school, and it will be the second choice after Archbishop Holgate... Fulford's a lot further away and it's a much bigger school.

We came back via the Co-op which is quite near that, and I found what I think is a beefsteak fungus on an oak tree on the way home.

I popped down to Out Of This World for my 'beginning of the week' pick up, and back via Martin's, where I got 7 pineapples as well as a tray of more readily compostable materials. The only thing wrong with the pineapples is that their leaf rosettes are a bit manky... the fruit is fine, and I spent an hour preparing 3 of them for drying on the stove.

Gill went out to a theatre thing with our friend who is the crossing lady at Lord Deramores. Iput the kids to bed... as a pre bedtime treat we had a game of 'consequences' where each player starts a story and writes a few lines, leaving a half line for the next player to continue, and folding back the finished lines so the next player cannot see what the story is about. The sheets get passed around and when the sheets are full, they are read out, usually with much hilarity.
The boys went to bed with good behaviour and got some reading time as a reward.

I had a short Googlechat with K over in the US of A and finished the 3rd pineapple, peeled and sliced some windfall pears, and whilst watching Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall on Freeview, shelled a load of pumpkin seeds, which is easy and not too tedious.

Friday 26th October 07

The boys declared that they didn't want to go anywhere or do anything today. So they played and I spent some time building a logpile on the right of the door (looking out) and spent a bit of time doing some work with the new 'compost mate' tool which is really good at mixing the compost heaps. My neighbour had spotted a rat so I did a lot of mixing of some sit and wait heaps, which makes them less hospitable to rats. I saw no evidence of rats though, none ran out. There are rats in the area, and I think that the neighbours are blaming my composting activities for them as a way of getting at me, because I'm different.

For lunch I went to St Nicks and said hello to Catherine the head Rotter, who asked me to help out at a green market next weekend on the Rotters stall. I met up with Jo and had a sandwich whilst hearing about her week at work, and told her about my weekend away.

During the afternoon I did a bit of emailing and a bit of cycling around, visited Martin's Country Fresh for fruit/veg and compostables, and enjoyed tea of parsnips in baked beans with the last of Gill's quiche from yesterday.

In the evening our friends Simon and Jonathan came round, Si has been helping Jonathan with his computer and when they were finished they came and chatted as Gill and I continued to play Scrabble. The conversation became very frank, as it often does with both S and J, and my odd behaviour was analysed, with reference to my forthcoming trip to the Maudsley Hospital to see if I have ADHD. My 'compulsive' composting activities are giving Gill some problems, as the neighbours find me rather odd and Gill feels she has to defend me, although she wishes I didn't do so much of it on such an 'industrial' scale. She finds herself in a difficult position as she loves me and supports my desire to prevent stuff being landfilled, but she doesn't think it is appropriate that I do so much in the garden.

Anyway, I was happy to have such an honest exchange, I didn't feel attacked, I just feel as if I'm actually quite a 'vulnerable' person in some ways, for instance, my willingness to take recyclables for certain businesses means they get the stuff recycled (not possible commercially) and for free or cheap. I have a lot of processing to do about this, and hope Gill can come down to London next month with me to voice her observations about my extreme lifestyle.